Blair Witch Movie Review (No Spoilers!) By Deffinition

September 26, 2016 No comments exist


The Tony Blair Witch

So Blair Witch was the movie that sparked off the found footage genre, the term found footage was even created because that movies premise was based around the found footage that people from the woods….found footage. It used to mean that the movie was filmed in a documentary style and one of the biggest takes from the first movie that helped to boost its popularity was that everyone thought it was real. I used to proper shit myself every time I went in my back garden in case some old woman with a carrier bag over her head would grab me.

 

Oh nana, what you like.

 

With the first movie they even went so far as listing the actors from it as being dead on their IMDB pages.

 

No wonder no one hired them ever again yaaaaaaay homeless.

 

Nowadays though found footage has devolved into cramming as many special effects onto the screen with no explanation of why anyone is filming any of this at all. It’s a CGI fuck fest. Yaaaaay. CGI fuck fest

 

Blair Witch has the name Blair Witch because it’s one of them, where they’ve stopped putting numbers on the end of movies and shit you so can never tell what order they happened in. I tried watching The Hunger Games the other day and I accidentally watched them in the wrong order and didn’t know what was happening and ended up wasting my time and your time by telling you about it

 

Why can’t movies use numbers anymore, STOP WITH THE COLONS, COLONS EVERYWHERE WITH SUBTITLES AND NO INDICATION OF WHERE THE MOVIE SITS

 

I NEED A COLON CLEANSING.

 

Sequels And Reboots

Anyway this is the latest in the trend of sequel slash reboot that every film franchise that was popular 20 years ago seems to be doing now, it annoyed me with the thing, Star Wars and this is just as dull too. It’s the exact same plot as the first movie with different characters.  Whereas the first Blair Witch was beautifully filmed as a documentary, with no special effects, this one is more of a conventional movie, jump scares, crazy characters, the lot. It follows more of the same archetypes that we’ve come to expect from horror movies and features a shit tonne of jump scares.

 

It gets to a point where there’s that many jump scares that even a character says that there’s too many jump scares. This doesn’t make it alright. It’s the laziest form of scaring someone and it’s basically the equivalent of shouting.

 

LOUD NOISES!

 

Did I mention there’s jump scares in the movie?

 

It really pisses me off because of how lazy it is, and what’s worse is that this movie is genuinely scary within the third act, without using any jump scares at all. It builds up tension and you really feel like these characters are trapped in hell. Why couldn’t they apply this level of wit to the entire movie.

 

Fuck knows.

 

What you’re left with though is a movie that’s really hard to rate, there are such subtle things like a black character stumbling across a confederate flag within one of the teams houses and from this point on taking a dislike to them, the movie also uses time brilliantly and you never have a secure sense of place throughout. Juxtaposing this though, it relies too heavily on bangs, large sound effects and people just screaming that it really loses the authenticity and believability that the first movie had. The entire thing feels manufactured and because of this it just doesn’t feel as intelligent or as substantial as the first film.

 

The original Blair Witch was criticised for being boring and badly paced, but that was its charm, it could be genuine found footage of a team disappearing into haunted woods. This time however, it’s just a movie. The acting is pretty meh and it doesn’t really do anything new or really out there. It just feels like a carbon copy of the first.

 

It’s not all bad though, we are 3 movies deep and still haven’t seen the witch so she really needed to be a factor in this one and the brief glimpses that she appears are some of the film’s most terrifying.

 

I do recommend that you go see the movie just for the haunted house ride that it has through its final act, it’s akin to the resident evil 7 demo that is out at the moment and there isn’t a dull moment throughout, however the first hour which is the majority of the movie is so cliché and dumb that it drops my overall score down to a

 

6/10

 

Normally I rank stuff on a movie scale of like Blair Witch 1 to Blair Witch 2 but there’s only been 2 movies so it’s a bad indication.

 

I’d rank the series in this order, Blair Witch project, Blair Witch, Blair Witch 2.

 

Ok so did you like the movie? What did you think? Comment below, subscribe and you can come to me birthday party, check out my website at www.deffinition.co.uk and Ill see you on the next review, although probably not as I average about 39 views and most of them are from me hitting the refresh button. POYCE

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