We all have that ‘wacky’ friend who thinks they are soooo alternative because when you ask ‘What is your favourite Christmas Movie?‘ They reply ‘Die Hard.’ Slow Clap for that guy and his crazy, off the wall opinions. You’re mental you are, bet you’re one of those people who thinks The Star Wars Prequels with terrible Puppet Yoda are better than The Originals with also Terrible Puppet Yoda.
Little does your wacky friend know though, that there is an even better Alternative Christmas Movie.
That movie is Die Hard 2: Die Harder. Throughout this video, I will be discussing why this seminal sequel has more in common with the story of our Lord and Saviour than you could even imagine.
Reason 1: It Stars Jesus
Throughout Die Hard 2, Jesus makes several appearances. The plot of the film centres around rescuing a Middle Easternish Man named: General Ramon Esperanza. Whilst some liars may have you believe that he is Russian, or some other Nationality that America hated during 1992, I think that he actually symbolises Jesus, our Lord and Saviour.
Persecuted throughout the film we see that the evil John McClane wants to put an end to his Holiness’ Holiday Home and end his return to freedom. Depicted as a villain we see that the General, or should I say, Jesus, is nice to those around him when he gives kind words to that soldier. Whilst some would argue that he murders the soldier I believe that he is in fact filling him with the Holy Spirit and sending him on his way to heaven. Murdered much in the same way Jesus was, we see the Great General pay for our sins on Christmas and ascend into Heaven wrapped in a beautiful light.
Reason 2: The Grinch Is In It
One of the more modern Characters conjured up for Christmas is The Grinch. This heartwarming story tells the tale of a grumpy greedy grinning Grinch that wants to steal Christmas from all. Throughout the original work we see The Grinch go on a journey of self-discovery as he learns to love the Holidays once more. Similar to this we see the character Captain Carmine Lorenzo turn from villain to trusted ally as he learns the joy of Christmas and murder. Starting off as a cliched authoritative jerk, you will fall in love with Captain Lorenzo as he lets you learn the joy of giving once more. Giving traffic tickets, that is. This brilliant depiction, whilst infringing on copyright, reminds us of just how Christmassy Die Hard 2 is.
Reason 3: It’s set at Christmas…I guess….
I’m beginning to scrape the barrel a bit here but did you know that Die Hard 2: Die Harder is set at Christmas. You didn’t? Well, prepare to have your mind blown because it infact…is. So….there.
Reason 4: It has an old person riding something in the sky
During Die Hard 2 we see a graceful old British Woman on her journey through the night sky before she is casually killed in a plane crash. However, had her journey been successful she would have most likely landed, travelled to a child’s home and handed out presents. Metaphorically she clearly symbolises Santa. I just feel sorry for her Grandchildren who would have awoken to the fact that not only was their Grandmother dead but that they also didn’t have any presents as they were all on the plane. This reminds us that Christmas is full of tragedy too. The perfect Christmas message.
Reason 5: Just Shutup
Look yeah if you’re one of those people who think giving ‘Die Hard’ as the answer for your favourite Christmas movie then you need to sort your sodding life out. You’re not original, you’re not clever, you’re a complete idiot.
Billions of people exist like you who think they are so unique and special. Well you aren’t, tell you what mate, stop saying stuff like ‘The Hobbit Movies are better than Lord Of The Rings’ and ‘Ant-Man is more popular than Superman,’ it makes you look like an idiot desperate for attention with your alternative opinions because you have nothing going on in your life, you’re pathetic and I hope you have a terrible Christmas.
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