No Spoiler Discussion of the Assassin’s Creed Film
Watch my video review of Assassin’s Creed or check out my script below.
So assassins creed is about Apollos creed son, if you’ve played the assassins creed games then congrats, you’re gonna be just as clueless as everyone else, Michael fassbender is a death row inmate, he gets executed, wakes up in a secret government facility, they faked the execution, it’s a cover up, it’s one of them, it’s shit, we follow fassbender as he is forced to use the animus to retrace his ancestors footsteps to find out where he hid the apple of eden which can control peoples free will to stop violence? Or something, I don’t really know, like they say it does that but never really tell you how it’ll work, who it’ll work on, they get it out, it does it a little laser show, I dunno what it does, it’s basically a mc guffin that drives the characters forward. I used to be a big fan of the games, I loved the original and second movie and then I felt that the series started to suffer from franchise fatigue after getting yearly releases. Now one of the most boring parts of the game was when you followed Desmond around the little lab, this was counteracted by the sections in which you travelled back in time which was emmersive and amazing and one of the reasons that the game had such a large fanbase. So guess which part of the assassins creed universe they spend an hour and a half in. Yup, the real world boring bits, yaaaaay, these tend to drag so much that during the film I looked over to my girlfriend, she was asleep, I then looked at the guy next to me, he was asleep as well, he looked beautiful and peaceful, (bats eyelids) anyway when two people are asleep then you can guess how interesting these sections are, the people around me were sure…into….resting…like interest….yeah Ill shut up. Another problem with the film is that when it does go into the past, whilst these sections are well executed and exciting, they are just set pieces, they end badly, im not even kidding, like all of the past sequences end in the middle of the……., like that, they just end half way through stuff and you’re instantly left wondering how the character got out of the situation, this once during a movie would be alright, but when it’s every section it just leaves you scratching your head. Characters jump to conclusions and have arcs that are contradictory to their build up and people change their mind for no real reason. Loads of eagles pop up along the way.KAAAAAH Like every 5 mins, no idea why, well I do know, it’s in the game, it does nothing for the movie though so Ive no idea why it’s here other than looking cool
That being said, the movie isn’t terrible, there are positives to it, like I said the sections in the past feel authentic and are choreographed and shot really well, they are exciting and really feel like a good representation of the original game, they are just dressing though, I left this movie not knowing any of the characters names, or really anything about them and to me that;s a bad sign, fassbender, marrion colliterardadfi….think I pronounced that right, if only there was a thing that sat in my pocket that I could use to check things…oh well, they both do a really good job of acting and giving the characters depth in what could otherwise be shallow performances.
The ending of the movie, look, I had no idea what was going on, And I do know the lore of the video games, so I feel like people who don’t will be left thinking, what deeee foook….I’m sure people will be like, ‘well this blah blah blah happened because in the game blah blah blah, you don’t get it you’re stupid, you dickhead…GOD YOURE SUCH A DICKHEAD…I HATE YOIUU’ Yeah, cool, they explain it in the game, that’s not in the movie I saw, that to me is bad.
I know im shitting on this movie quite a lot, but it’s negatives do stand out quite a lot to me, it’s probably still one of the best video game movies ever made, its gonna be hard not to though when you’ve got super Mario and fucking street fighter though is it.
Another thing it does that I hate is that it spends a lot of time, especially in the final act setting up other movies, like concentrate on the movie youre making instead of ones that probably wont get made now because you spent your time concentrating on movies that hadn’t been made instead of this one.
Overall I think the movie is ok…..like it’s not badly made, or badly acted, it’s just meh, youre better off watching the matrix or inception if you want a movie like this.
I give it a 5/10
If you’re a fan of the game you may enjoy it, or you mate hate it.
Anyway what did you think of the film? Who’s your favourite rocky character? Did you like when Apollo came out to Living in America? Comment below and tell me. Subscribe to my channel and check out my other reviews at deffinition.co.uk. POIIIYCE