Snowden And Moana? Worth Seeing This Weekend?
Read my script for the video below.
Suck your mum, so I went to the cinema but my girlfriend got the times wrong, ive told her about this, it’s the last time I let her out her cage, anyway being a proper g, we snuck into a movie, dunno what it was called, it was shit so don’t see that, 3/10, saved you some time then, and then went to see Moana, I seen about an hour of it, it was a cgi fuck fest, but good to take kids to, not on a date, not like that you bloody peely file, from what I gathered it was about this young lass, hawaiin, tick the demographics, sailing across the sea to find the rock to take a rock, puns puns puns, to an island to save the world, they aren’t mates at first but ofcourse the journey brings them together, then maona has the rock taken out onto the family lake and shot in the back of a head by other mobsters, the songs are a bit shit, they weren’t written by taylor swift, weren’t even written by soulja boy, and theres a lava monster at the end, dunno why, probably should’ve watched the whole movie, anyway it gets restored, they crack a lot of jokes from the 90s throughout, they do that old one where you go ‘who has two thumbs and likes blow jobs….THIS GUYS’, obviously they change blow jobs, WHATS WRONG WITH YOU MAN, THINKING THEY PUT BLOWJOB JOKES IN KIDS MOVIES MAN YOU FACKIN PEELY FILE, anyway, it was quite enjoyable for kids, they were laughin, one of em was crying, I should’ve kicked him in but you cant these days because of ‘the law’, (shake head), so I give that 7/10, its got crabs in, so im sure your girlfriend can relate, ahhhh I proper rinsed you there,
We seen a homelss guy who apparently they let in the cinema for free to watch movies and have done for a while, so just wanna shout out boldon cinema for being generous and doing nice things for people
Though I will be reporting them to the police
Then we went and saw snowden, It follows the biopic formula of someone who starts narrating their life and explaining how they got into their current situation, Edward Snowden, hes a proper swat, doing rubix cubes without even looking at them, saying the alphabet outloud, doing his 9×9 table without looking at his calculator, proper swot, the movie follows his rise throughout the CIA and NSA and now he’s claiming his JSA, buh bum cha, and the revelation that the government have been spying on everyone in the world, whilst it’s clear what snowdens standpoint is the movie has a morally ambiguous feel to it and Ed jumps from side to side throughout dealing from the pressures of work and his girlfriend, it’s a truly gripping and eye opening movie that makes you think about what you post and why, makes you realise that you should stop posting all them pics of your kids online, IVE TOLD YOU ABOUT THEM BLOODY PEELY FILES MAN, you’ll be covering up your webcam by the end of it, it really builds a feeling of paranoia and Oliver Stone once again shows why he is one of the best directors of all time and a master of his craft, Joseph Gordon Levitt nails Snowden’s mannerisms and voice and he delivers once again a transformative performance, one of the biggest let downs of the movie though is this photoshop that they’ve done to make a young Nicholas cage, I burst out laughing at it, absolutely terrible, but not as bad as Nicholas cage in the wicker man, AHHH THE BEES NOT THE BEES, I know I’ve been jokey so far but there is rarely a movie like this that comes along and I honestly think it carries over a sort of JFK feel from stone’s earlier work, the movie is thought provoking and asks the big questions of national security, we see the characters ideology change from conservative to liberal throughout the movie and it does a great job of getting all of it’s standings across concisely in it’s run time, I highly recommend this for both non conspiracy theorists and conspiracy theorists a like, although it might make the latter post more statuses about the illuminati, YEAH MATE WE GET IT, 2012 DIDN’T HAPPEN YEAH, GET OVER IT,
Anyway I give the movie an 8/10
So what did you think of the movie, have you ever almost got a criminal record sneaking into the pics, are you a ruthless gangster? Comment below and let me know, subscribe to my channel and check out my other movie reviews at deffinition.co.uk