The Force Is…JUST SHUT UP MAN
Check out my script for my video review below.
Rogue One Review
So the reviews are in and it seems like the force is strong with this one……. I’ve seen about 400 reviews with that as the punchline, wow, who says journalism is dead, speaking of rehashed unoriginal ideas, I hated the force awakens, I know im in the minority for that but I just thought it was a by the numbers remake of the original that didn’t make me feel like there was new life to the saga, it just felt like a been there done that retelling of a brilliant movie and due to that I was not very excited for rogue one. Mainly cos George lucas fucked my childhood up the arse before and I didn’t want it to happen again, basically Im a huge star wars fan, I know that’s what people now to be cool say but I actually am, I had all the micro machines as a kid, I saw all the special editions at the movie and I basically didn’t lose my virginity till 25, true fan like that…. so I was willing to give this a chance and to sum it up, it’s the best star wars movie since empire strikes back, wow another cliché, the empire strikes back is obviously still the best, the empire strikes back is so good that using the phrase ‘it’s the empire strikes back of it’s saga’ means that it’s the best movie of it’s franchise, to sum it up, the empire strikes back is the empire strikes back of star wars, and now rogue one is the empire strikes back of star wars after the emp…look ill shut up now.
We follow Ginn Ursa, daughter of the scientist who created the death star, trying to track down her father to stop him building the website, it diverts from the star wars formula in several ways, it doesn’t feature the opening crawl, the heroes are just as bad as the villains and there is a lot more of a human feel to the film over the fantastical one that the series has had thus far, I loved every minute of it, it perfectly captures what it must be like to live in this universe and it’s a brilliant ride from start to finish. The battles move from the ground to space seamlessly in a way that is very reminiscent of battlefront, We see cameos of past star wars characters and it weaves perfectly into the lore, I left the film with tears of joy in my eyes and I think that most fans will too. I can’t really fault it, the acting is great, the action is superb and the plot is really gripping, which is typically not the case with prequels, like can you actually name a prequel that was actually good……there’s like two, this knocks it out the park and I cant suck it’s dick enough, near perfect, shout outs the homie rizzle being in it too, so overall, it’s my favourite movie of the year 9/10, go see it
Now onto spoilers, don’t watch from here on if you don’t want it spoilt, or do if you just like impressing your mates with knowing stuff, I KNOW WHO DARK VADER IS FROM STAR TREK UFNAFHAFSFJS, so I love the fact that they brought grand moff tarkin back, it’s great that technology is at a point now where they can bring back dead actors and weave them into the story, my girlfriend… didn’t even realise that in real life the actor was dead and they knocked it out the park, the movie ends brilliantly doing a similar thing with a young carrie fisher and I love the way how you can end this and go immediately into new hope, like, brilliant, Gareth Edwards needs another one of these given to him because he KILLED IT. I loved that every character died too, it makes perfect sense why they didn’t show up later and their sacrifice really adds a feeling of triumph to the original trilogy. One of the biggest plot holes in New Hope is ‘Why did they build a weakness in their super weapon that was easily shootable’ they took the piss out of it in family guy, robot chicken, me nana took the piss out of it, everyone, this movie addresses it, ties it into the plot and makes it all make sense, it’s a really intelligent solution that takes a huge plot hole out of the saga and improves it over all. When darth vader kicks the shit out of the rebels is amazing too, such a badass moment that removes the NOOOOOOO sour taste from revenge of the sith, I also like how Captain Andor is a bit of a dick, he’ll kill people, wrongly, for the greater good and it…just…yeah…this movie is brilliant and I can’t wait to see it again, there’s so much to talk about and it completely knocks it out the park, this movie shits on force awakens and I can finally get back behind this film after the disappointing force awakens and absolutely terrible, childhood raping, prequels. I HATE YA LUCAS, BLADDY GEORGE LUCAS. I know its cool now to say the prequels aren’t actually that bad but just fuck off mate
So I would rank the series as
- The empire strikes back…as it’s the empire strikes back of the star wars films.
- Rogue One
- New Hope
- Return Of The Jedi
- Revenge Of The Sith
- The Force Awakens
- Phantom Menace
- Attack Of The Clones
So what did you think of the film? Do you disagree about the force awakens? Have you ever said ‘the force is strong with this one’ and realised you’re a bellend and I wanna force your head down the fucking toilet? Comment below and let me know and check out my other movie reviews at deffinition.co.uk POYCE